Saturday September 7th, 2024

Well, we all knew it was coming (who's we? my microbiome okay, wise guy), this week I completely burned out. Thankfully it was at the end of the week. Basically my problem is that I can't tell if something is going to be fun and that I want to do it, or if it's going to be the straw that explodes me. I'm still working on self awareness. I'm always forgetting that I am disabled... or am I really aware of it and see it as a shortcoming that I need to overcompensate for by taking on too many responsibilities and favours for others? Wah. I want to be aware of my disability in a more healthy way, by knowing my limits.

I am a little proud of myself though, I recognised that I was getting to my limit and I stepped away in a polite and (hopefully) understandable way. I didn't have a meltdown in public, misrepresent myself, or do anything embarrassing, so! It's a win :)

I want to help! I want to be useful! I want to contribute! But I just can't, and I want to work towards being more aware of that. It's likely more of a hassle to say you can help, and then fail to deliver on that, than to simply say "I'd love to help but I can't, sorry."

ANYWAY. I am very lucky to have a solid group of people around to catch me when I fall. So nice to have friends I can talk things through with.

Next week at the studio is all about firing. I have a shelf full of pieces that are dry and ready to go through the bisque! Very exciting. It's a nice ending and beginning time. I'm going to be chill next week. I want to make some pieces for myself. I've been having matcha every day (Thank's Jessie!) and there's a few different bowls and accessories to add to that experience that I'd like to make. I'm having a bit of a battle in my head about how I want to do it though. I think I want the finished pieces to be made from Keane Dark Matter clay, but the shapes I want are much easier to throw than hand-build. The wheels at the studio are stoneware 7 only, though (a white clay with no grog, dark matter is very dark and groggy, it would contaminate the wheel).

I'm unpracticed with the wheel, but I would like to get back into it sometime soon. Maybe that's a challenge for another week. I need nice, slow, relaxing handbuilding for a while.