Sunday September 1st, 2024

The taking it slow thing? Didn't really pan out, lol. Gosh this week just flew by. Lots of new things, fun opportunities and adventures which is amazing! But I'm plum-tuckered.

It feels so wrong to say no to anything potentially interesting or fun, though. How do I slow down and take a break now that I am finally doing something? Now that I finally have found my niche? Now that I'm in a real deal community? I spent my whole life sleepwalking around looking for this and now that I'm awake, sitting down feels dangerously close to going back to sleep.

I guess that's it. It's a fear thing. I'm afraid if I stop or even slow down a bit I'm going to lose the momentum of what's happening, I guess. I'm always so aware that whatever good thing is currently happening, will end. I feel like I'm hitting my peak happiness and sense of fulfilment in life and it's scary!

There's a fine line between expressing gratitude for the multitude gifts life is giving right now, and thinking that this is as good as it gets, so you better enjoy it because it's all downhill from here.

At the same time a knowledge of how fleeting it all is makes everything so achingly beautiful maybe I don't want to live any other way.

It's just pins and needles.