Saturday August 24th, 2024

I'm feeling a bit drained at the moment. Struggling a little with my pottery. Nothing super major or serious, I just feel like my quality of work/craftsmanship is dipping a bit. I'm rushing things, not making things as neatly or carefully as I could. I think my best stuff is where I slow right down and really take my time, but I always feel this drive to keep going, keep making, on to the next thing! GO GO GO!

It happens with other crafts too. I get a bit of tunnel vision, I disregard my basic needs, my eyes glaze over and I become this machine that makes stuff. I think it starts as genuine enthusiasm but something creeps in behind the eyes and takes hold. Goblins in your skull throwing coal in the oven and pushing you past your limits.

Anyway, all of this is to say once I finish up this lot of commissions, I'm going to take a little breather and try to chill out a bit. I'd like to make some silly things just for fun, maybe some stuff with a halloweeny vibe, that's looming large in my mind atm. Thinking a lot about all the various silliness I will be getting up to when October rolls around, I'm looking forward to that.

Also I feel like I go through these phases every couple months or so where I just feel off my game, socially. Where I reflect on recent social interactions and feel like I haven't been myself, or represented the person I want to be accurately. Or those times where you find people not replying to your messages or just generally seems like everyone is wrapped up in their own stuff and has no room for you. Understandable, of course! But you still feel that sting. Maybe it's the BPD. BeePD... Sting... Get it? 🐝 Wotever, it will pass.